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Addiction

Soliloquy pt.2

You were the echo of false hope, the mirage of escape. Cradling me in your false security. Yet, how deep the wound you carved into my heart. How you stripped away my true self until all that remained was a hollow shell.

In my weakest of moments I looked to you for sanctuary. It was you who betrayed me. Turning every fleeting high into an infinite freefall. With every dose, a promise of ceasefire we made. Only to continue the war the very next day.

My mind ensnared by your poisoned hands. My heart a prisoner of your cold, unfeeling grasp. A paradox of pleasure and pain. How long must I endure this torment of my own making?

Desperate I am for the strength to cast you aside. I wish I could reclaim the fragments of my shattered relationships. When I garner the strength to rise from this desolate pit you’ve dug with such precision, I falter. So here I stand, a mournful witness to my own ruin.

I weep for the life you have stolen and the love you have devoured. I fear I may never reclaim who I once was. My cruel companion, my heart’s undoing. How I wish to break free from your death grip and find the solace I deserve.

Addiction

On Self-Worth

The struggle to maintain a strong sense of self-worth can be overwhelming. Doubt and worrying take over our minds and make it difficult to feel certain about anything. On top of that, facing the burden of our own expectations can seem futile. We often try to reach societal expectations and live up to the expectations of others, but that can make us feel inadequate and even lead us to doubt our worth.

Life, like a tempestuous sea, often tosses us amidst turbulent waters. We navigate the waves of comparison and judgment, desperately seeking validation from the external world. Yet, as the days turn into years, we may find ourselves standing on the shore of our own consciousness, asking, “Am I enough? Do I truly matter?”

Combining the doubt of self-worth with depression can be incredibly overwhelming & lonely. A person’s sense of self-worth can be completely diminished, making it hard to have any motivation at all. It’s like no matter what they do, nothing is ever good enough. Aspects of life such as relationships, money or feeling overwhelmed can cause feelings of low self-worth that are difficult to ignore and can feed into the perpetual downward spiral of self-worth doubt and depression.

I argue that most of us in my generation often feel worthless, like we aren’t capable of achieving our goals or capable of creating a meaningful life. This leads many of us to feel depressed and can leave us feeling overwhelmed and defeated. Questioning our self-worth is something that many of us face, and it can have extremely negative impacts on our mental health. It’s important to be aware of the risks associated with questioning our self-worth, so that we can find healthier ways to cope with these feelings before they become too overwhelming.

It is important for people dealing with depression or low self-worth to take the time to connect with their emotions, talk about their worries, and practice coping mechanisms that help them reframe negative thoughts. Recognizing the effects that negative thoughts have on our mental health can be a fundamental step towards finding solutions and regaining a sense of self-confidence.

Addiction, Music

Looking at Where the Pain Comes From

Zachary Cole Smith is the lead singer of the Brooklyn based DIIV. In 2019 they unveiled a song, “Skin Game,” the first single from their album Deceiver.

In a statement, Smith described the song as “an imaginary dialogue between two characters, which could either be myself or people I know.” Smith added that the song was inspired by his recent stints in rehab facilities and the experience of coming to grips with addiction and recovery.

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Music

Why Does Music Taste Feel So Personal?

Imagine the following scenario. Your crush approaches you while you’ve been minding your own business. With a glowing smile on their face they ask you what kind of music you’re listening to. You’re shocked that someone else could find interest in Merzbow. As you take out your headphones the tv static immediately begins to pour out. The room fills with squeals and a low drone. Your crush doesn’t even try to give Merzbow a fair shot. They immediately figure you’re some crazed lunatic and they withdraw from the area. Would this experience hurt you?

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Addiction

Soliloquy to Addiction

I’ve been meaning to thank you recently. The pragmatic approach I am forced to take with each task has taught me plenty of life lessons. Yes, you have almost caused my death five times over. Yes, you have caused me to cry alone. Yes, you have spent thousands of my hard earned dollars. If it wasn’t for all those horrific instances then I wouldn’t have the beautiful future that is now laid out in front of me. For that, I thank you, from the bottom of my heavy heart.

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